salaryman: -catches up w me and babbles-
me: wakarimasen nippon-go
sm: oh. english?
sm: you pretty, i like you.
me: right. thanks.
sm: i thinking, i want play with you. do you want play?
me: what do you mean by play?
sm: you want have sex?
yes, i was propositioned for sex under the neon lights of shinjuku. this, after the day hike at takaosan, and my calves still carried traces of mud and leaves. it was an…interesting…surprise for my last night here, flattering and yet unflattering at the same time.
and i wonder, what might no-strings-attached sex feel like? what would sex with a stranger be like – is he a good lover, or will he pleasure himself with no thought for mine? would he be willing to pay for my services? how much would i charge anyway? what, actually, is the market-rate, given that im no professional? (we are in the land of the skilled courtesan after all) and then, hey, I’ll get to see the inside of one of the famed Tokyo love hotels!
i also experienced a mild panic attack – what if this is all im gonna get in the love department of life? a little bit of physical affection, that’s all? i recall what a flirtatious playboy asked me years ago, ‘what are you saving yourself for?’
to be honest, i have no idea (yet?). the waning, fading hope of being in a lasting, loving relationship?
my good sir, you ask so much, and yet so little of me.
(i turned him down.)